Random Match Roundup #9

Hello everyone and welcome to Random Match Roundup #9! This is where I review 5 random matches from anytime and anywhere for you’re enjoyment. To suggest matches, contact my twitter and email listed here. Anyway, lets get these reviews underway.

Ishii vs. Goto

Hirooki Goto vs. Tomohiro Ishii – NJPW G1 Climax 25 Day 14

            Can these two guys hit any harder? Seriously, if they hit harder, would they legitimately kill or injure each other. Needless to say, it was stiff as hell. It also had an interesting story aside from the usual Ishii fare of “two guys hitting each other progressively harder”, which is admittedly awesome. In this match, Goto pissed off Ishii early, so Ishii got to work on top for once and punish Goto, while Goto makes great comebacks and gains the advantage during many exchanges. Down the stretch, these exchanges get more brutal, fun, and hard hitting, while also having very impressive spots sprinkled in-between. They went all out during the last ten or so minutes with awesome spots, great nearfalls, and phenomenal “strong style” spots. Some one counts had me shocked and in awe, while the strikes and moves clicked and had a purpose. The best part, though, was that they went one step further during the stretch that cemented this as a MOTYC for me. And to anyone who hates the no selling inherent in these matches, this is pretty light on straight up no selling compared to others, so this might be just for you. Overall, this is a fun match you can turn your brain off to, but you can also analyze it and it holds up.

Rating: ****½

Mane vs. Quinn vs. Miller

J. Miller (c.) vs. Justin Mane vs. Gavin Quinn – Ladder Match – CLASH Seize the Day VII

            This was a very good ladder match, and especially impressive in such a small indie. Everyone in this match was crisp, and there were very few sloppy spots throughout. This makes me want to see more from all of these men. Mostly Justin Mane, though, as he was the most impressive. He took most of the biggest bumps and, by far, had the worst beating. The other two didn’t botch, but never really did anything to stand out too much. This match isn’t perfect though, as it lacks the innovation a ladder match in 2014 really needs to stand out. There were a few somewhat unique spots, but nothing that will stand out from the pack. Also, many transitions from spot to spot were less than stellar, as it looked like they were just getting into place to get hit. That really took me out of the match early on. The more the match went on, though, the more comfortable they got. That pretty much fixed the awkward transitions. These guys took bumps I wouldn’t and put on a good match, but the abundance of ladder matches over the past 20+ years kept this from standing out.

Rating: ***½

Hashi vs. Nohashi

Makoto Hashi vs. Taro Nohashi – Fu-Ten 15th Anniversary

            Holy shit, this is the stiffest match in history. There is no doubt that this is at least a contender, and if there is a stiffer match, I’m not sure I want to see it. This was so stiff that it was uncomfortable and nauseating. It was only 3:46 long, but every second is jam packed with insane stiffness, mostly in the form of headbutts. The story was essentially the two guys headbutting each other until one couldn’t go on. The fact that the rules are faux-MMA and its KO or submission only adds to the story, as there was a constant risk of one just getting KOed. Honestly, that is about it, since it isn’t even 4 minutes bell to bell. If brutal stiffness is your cup of tea, find this now.

Rating: ***½

Flamita vs. Volador

Volador Jr. vs. Flamita – Cara Lucha 06/14/15

            If you like flips, strikes, and quick, crisp transitions from move to move, this is for you. There wasn’t much story, aside from Volador being heel and Flamita being face, but the action more than made up for it. Everything was executed well, minus two little spots, but the recovery from the botches was well done. Other than those, the spots went from impressive to downright insane. A hurricanrana with both guys on the top rope never gets old! Really, I cannot emphasis how much the crispness added to this match. They were so fluent in everything they did, and made each spot look easy. Transitions between moves were seamless, and the high impact moves were gorgeous and sufficiently impactful. The only real issue I have is, for a crazy spotfest, Volador’s heat was somewhat slow, but that is a minuscule gripe. This match was fun, impressive, and just plain entertaining.

Rating: ****

Abdullah vs. Zeus

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Zeus – WWC Anniversario 1990

            I’m sorry. I’m sorry for Carlos Colon, as this happening in your promotion. I’m sorry for Puerto Rico for this occurring on your soil. I’m sorry for any wrestler ever for having to be compared to this. I’m sorry for mankind, as this is a part of our legacy. This is the worst match I have ever seen. If you haven’t seen this, let me tell you about some “wrestling” that occurred. It starts on the outside, where both guys try for a lock up, but end up just staring at each other with their hands of the other’s shoulders. In the ring, Zeus hit strikes that were the dirt worst. I think it was supposed to be a forearm, but he instead tapped him lightly with his wrist on the shoulder. Then, Abby draws a fork, which Zeus blocks and steals. This leads to a few more wrist taps, with the only difference being that Zeus had the weapon in his hand. The bearhugs, GOD the bearhugs. Zeus just hugged Abby like he would a woman with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, and Abby hugged him back. Let me remind you, THAT WAS AN OFFENSIVE MANEUVER! Now, onto Abdullah’s offense. It was bad. His punches and chops were weak, and had no effort. That’s it because he did next to nothing. He allowed Zeus to carry this match. I’m not sure I can handle this. The icing on the cake? The finish was a double DQ… even after weapon shots, and Abdullah punching and kicking Zeus in the dick. This is so bad. Like, these are two trained wrestlers, and they looked like two guys off the street who never watched wrestling in their lives. Now, the important question; was this worse than Jenna vs. Sharmell? Yes. No doubt. There isn’t even a debate. Jenna and Sharmell did their best as untrained schmucks. Zeus is trained, and Abdullah is supposed to be a legend. There is no excuse. This is the worst match of all time, and it made me question my fandom in the first place. That is the sign of true awfulness. Watch this, and help me cope with the horrible pain.

Rating: -*****

So that was Random Match Roundup #9! I hope you enjoyed. If you did, like, comment, tweet it out, or whatever you do to show support. I plan to do reviews of both the NXT special next week, and the WWE PPV this month so stay tuned. Also, a Starrcade review is in the works and will be out hopefully in the next month. I fyou with to contact me in any way, or follow me on twitter, my contacts are right here or in the sidebar to the left. Anyway, thank you for spending your time here and see you next time! 🙂

Best Match of the Roundup: Tomohiro Ishii vs. Hirooki Goto

Worst Match of the Roundup: Abdullah the Butcher vs. Zeus

-Terrance Smith

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