Welcome to the WWE Fastlane review. Out of all the PPVs I’ve seen live since I’ve got the WWE Network, I’ve never been less excited. WWE has become a parody of wrestling. They do every bad trope in wrestling and do everything they can to lose money and alienate fans. The only thing keeping WWE away from being a complete farce is the plethora of tremendous wrestlers: like Daniel Bryan, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Brock Lesner, Dolph Ziggler, and many more. At this point, I don’t care where these guys are on the card as long as they put on good matches. That’s all the entertainment there is. WWE needs better characters and, to do that, go the NJPW route. Have everyone be a PERSON where the crowd responses affect how they act to the crowd. Like how Tetsuya Naito is usually a face, but in Osaka, the crowd boos him. Therefore, he plays subtle heel in Osaka. Until then, we, the fans, are stuck with the same cliché characters and stories. Now then, on to the show.
For all WWE faults, they have the best video packages. If nothing else, at least that was awesome.
The Authority vs. Ryback, Erik Rowen, & Dolph Ziggler
This was a TV match on PPV. The crowd didn’t care and I didn’t either. All I will say is that this was not the way to open a PPV.
A rerun of Smackdown airs where the heels beat up the faces. They showed this literally 1 minute before the match. Randy Orton returns to a decent reaction and clears house.
A video package for the Rhodes family trauma airs. That shit was incredibly cheesy.
Stardust vs. Goldust
Why did they have this match now? Build it up some more WWE, please. This match was alright, if unspectacular, but the crowd sucked the life out of it. Stardust is very good at playing his character and tried so hard to engage the crowd. The referee botched the finish, which was the icing on the cake. This match was just so lifeless.
Stardust rejects Goldust’s handshake and builds to the Wrestlemania match.
The whole Jon Stewert thing is recapped, which I like. I’m a fan of Jon Stewert and want to see where this goes.
Stardust attacks Goldust and cuts a pretty great promo ranting at Dusty. Nice!
Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs. The Usos
Good match with no reactions from the crowd. These two teams really gelled well together and put out a nice match. This match was pretty much a spotfest, but it was a good spotfest with great tag team maneuvers. Kidd and Cesaro even won, which was just great. Kidd and Cesaro are so great as a team and they should be pushed to the moon. My only problem with this match is the crowd. They just couldn’t be bothered throughout this match and refused to make noise. If this crowd doesn’t improve (Spoiler: they don’t), this show is going to be a long one.
Triple H comes out to nearly no reaction for his confrontation with Sting. Triple H talks a little before calling out Sting, who gets a decent pop. Triple H gives exposition about how WCW sucked, Sting went down with the ship, and Sting wants revenge for Triple H helping to kill WCW. Then, Triple H offers ALL THE MERCH to Sting or tells Sting about the other option, fighting. HHH tries for a cheap shot but Sting hits him first. Then, Triple H beats up Sting for a while. The stare down with the sledgehammer and the bat was so cool. We are on to Wrestlemania. Sting vs. Triple H. The dream match everyone wanted to see after Sting vs. Undertaker. A scorpion death drop puts on the exclamation point. Good segment. Too bad the crowd still sucked.
Paige vs. Nikki Bella
This was just a match. There was nothing wrong with it and everything was hit well, but nothing was special in any way. Paige was decent and Nikki was alright but nothing really happened of note. The crowd was dead too. I can’t blame them though. There’s really not much left to look forward too.
Sting vs. Triple H is official. A match that would have been good 12 years ago!
Dean Ambrose vs. Wade Barrett
This was a pretty good match. These two put together some nice sequences and had an overall fun match. Ambrose is so good and Barrett should be a World Champion by now. I really hate the finish however. The second best match on the show gets a bullshit finish. FUCK OFF! This show is so bad.
Ambrose steals the title after the DQ finish, which is the most tired cliché. I’ve seen this 100 time before.
The Undertaker’s music plays and garners with the biggest pop of the night. Two druids pull a casket to ringside and Bray Wyatt pops out. He cuts a really great promo saying the Undertaker is lost after last year and Wyatt wants to claim his soul. One issue I have is, why wouldn’t Taker want revenge on Lesner. WWE logic I guess.
Rusev vs. John Cena
This was standard John Cena fare for a while, but this match really heated up around the finish. The top rope legdrop by Cena into a viscous powerbomb from Rusev ruled. But then, THERE WAS ANOTHER BS FINISH! COME ON! This show is so bad guys. It’s just so boring. Every match is either bad or has a BS finish, with the only exception being the tag team match. And that even had a dead crowd. I get Cena won’t lose clean, but COME ON. Give me something that is entertaining. Please.
Next is a nice video package for Bryan vs. Reigns.
Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns
This match was the best match of the night by far. This whole match was pretty hot and the last ten minutes was really good. I don’t love Reigns going to ‘Mania, but it will lead to some good comedy. Bryan wrestled his heart out to make Roman look good and engage the crowd. Roman was there. He did nothing really great. This match was 5* compared to the rest of the show.
After the match, Bryan follows the code of honor. BOOOOOOOORING. Wrestlemania ads play us out as this show mercifully ends. Thank God.
Overall: This show sucked so much. Nothing happened and even the good matched had bullshit. The tag had a dead crowd, Ambrose vs. Barrett had a BS finish, and Reigns winning, while it doesn’t anger me, I realize is stupid. The crowd made this show so much worse than it already was. They just refused to react to anything. All I need from a crowd is for them to entertain themselves, but Memphis failed at that. I know the show sucked, but at least make it fun to watch guys. Avoid the whole show. The good matches aren’t that good and the booking is really bad.
Rating: BORED AS FUCK!
I’m sorry this review wasn’t the best but this show sucked. I was so bored that I couldn’t handle it. There was nothing really to say about anything on the show. Here’s a link to a match https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1CyGiX1TtQ. Watch this instead of the show. See you next time.